Dear Diary

5th July 2017
Since the weather has been a lot nicer these days, I’ve decided to start eating my lunch outside, in the park opposite our building. That’s where I saw the strangest man. At first I thought nothing of him. He was just some old guy, sitting on a bench feeding the ducks. But then the most bizarre thing happened. He got down on his knees, took out a tape measure and started measuring them! The ducks! He’d measure one, take out a notepad and scrawl something down, and then he’d shoo the duck away and do the same with another one. And afterwards he just walked off! It was crazy! Definitely going back there for lunch tomorrow; dinner and a show!

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Waking on the Wrong Side of the Bed

Sarah hit the ground; hard. It felt like it was all happening in slow motion. She could feel her nose breaking, her teeth shattering, her eyes bursting in their sockets. She felt the sensation of the truck’s wheels rolling over her body. Time slowed to an even further crawl as the weight crushed her spine. The young woman spent hours in agony as the pressure caused her blood to slowly tear through her skin and spray across the road.

Sarah woke up with a start; her pyjamas and bedsheets were soaked in sweat. “What the fuck?!” She patted herself down to make sure her body was intact. What kind of crazy nightmare was that? She slapped the figure sleeping next to her. “Jess! Jess, wake up!”

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A Tail of Biblical Proportions

In the beginning, there was nothing. Nothing but an old man with a scruffy white beard that fell over his tattered white robe. This man was God, and he was bored. After an eternity of sitting alone in nothingness, who wouldn’t be? Another eternity passed, then another, and then it happened, the sudden realisation that as a being of infinite power, he didn’t have to be bored, or in the dark for that matter.

“Let there be light!” He bellowed, sending a roaring silence throughout the void. A bright radiance following in its wake until the entirety of the universe was coated in a blinding light. God shielded his eyes and considered the possibility that this was, perhaps, a little much. He snapped his fingers and the light retracted, becoming contained within a single fiery red sphere. God looked down at his creation and, upon seeing that it was good, spread out his arms and declared to no one in particular, “I shall call it…The moon!”

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